Thursday, January 14, 2010

Did Lloyd Blankfein Fail God's Test?

Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein is probably good at BS, but on other levels you have to think the guy is an idiot.

God shook the earth hard the other day. The epicenter was the poor, tiny nation of Haiti. Their annual GDP is around $11 to $12 billion (roughly half of what Goldman is going to payout in bonuses.)

The New York Yankees have announced that they are going to donate $500,000 to the Haiti Earthquake Relief Fund. The #$%& Yankees!

It appears that Blankfein, who has proclaimed he is doing God's work, wouldn't recognize God's work if it was needed and was blared across the headline news 24/7. And it has been blared that way about Haiti. Yet, silence from the self-anointed one.

What could Blankfein and Goldman Sachs have done? They could have done what they claim they are the best at: Raising money. What Haiti will need in the future is capital to rebuild the country. Blankfein should have stopped thinking with his frozen northeast butt for a minute and realized that while Boston, NYC and DC are freezing, the weather is hot in Haiti. It has the potential to be a huge tourist destination.

Before the Yankees even put their check in the mail, Blankfein should have been out with a press release like this:

Goldman Sachs Announces Plan to Raise $1 Billion in Capital in Partnership with Haitian Business and Land Owners

Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein said today:

"The tragedy that has struck Haiti is truly of dramatic proportions. We at Goldman Sachs support those who choose to give of their time, effort and resources to help the people of Haiti.

"While we at Goldman Sachs have no expertise in emergency rescue operations, we consider ourselves the best when it comes to dealmaking and raising money. With this in mind, I want the Haitian people to know that Goldman Sachs has decided to raise $1 billion in capital for the entrepreneurs of their nation.

"We believe there are serious opportunities in the tourist industry for Haiti, and our experts are studying what opportunities may make sense in other business sectors. With our worldwide contacts, we can bring the best and the brightest to help rebuild Haiti. However, no project can get off the ground unless the money is available for the project and the project is structured in such a way that everyone profits. Structuring such deals is what we do best at Goldman Sachs and I want the people of Haiti to know we are going bring such projects to their country, with the target money raise of the $1 billion."
It wouldn't have cost Blankfein even a dollar in disruption of the $20 billion in bonuses he is so eager to pass out.

I think the billion could be an easy money raise, and Goldman could even earn their standard fee on the deal. God would have been pleased.


  1. I'm an atheist, but I think there's a problem with your fantasy scenario. The people at Goldman are agents of satan.

  2. Wenzel,

    Blankfein was going to, but other corrupt American businessmen beat him to the punch literally centuries ago (see my brief history post)... so... yeah, scratch that one!

    I like your thinking though! If only it was called Wenzel-MoneySacks

  3. Since I mentioned your suggestion from this post in mine, here's a link:

    Many thanks.

  4. PEU Report,

    Excellent post! Great detective work. Your blog is an invaluable service, many thanks