Thursday, January 9, 2014

Chinese Zillionaire Who Wants To Buy NY Times Has Awesome Business Card

The Gothamist writes:
Kazillionaire Chen Guangbiao, one of the top 400 richest people in China, recently announced his intentions to buy the NY Times with his gajillions of moneys. While the Times thus far has respectfully declined his requests for a meeting to discuss such an investment of gobagillions, if they got a better look at his business card, they might change their minds. Because clearly anyone who is a demolition expert, a moral leader, and the "most influential person of China" deserves a shot at the top of the masthead.
Business Insider got a look at the bongbazillionaire's English-language business card, which doesn't even have room to mention the fact that Chen is also a singer (he starts off his press conferences with a song). According to Buzzfeed, Chen said he was prepared to offer $1 billion for the Times at a press conference on Tuesday morning; by the end of the day, he was willing to increase his offer to $3 billion. Of course, this is where things get a little funky, because Chen reportedly has a personal wealth around $740 million, but swears he'd be able to make $3 billion appear at a moment's notice, so who knows how many quattuordecillions he really has.
To be sure, Chen's pursuit of the NY Times is absurd any which way you cut it: why would anyone want to buy a newspaper in the 2014 media market for $3 billion? And why would the family-owned NY Times ever sell to a Chinese businessman known for his "questionably motivated" philanthropic tactics? Then again, it's always smart to have an earthquake hero around the office, just in case. 



7 comments:

  1. Oh, wow. I think I need to send him my resume so I can be his American Advisor to the U.S. Maybe if I stuck on my resume that I'm the 'Foremost Leader in American Advisement to Chinese Earthquake Heroes' he'll give me the job.

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  2. What's more interesting to me is that he earned his money (at least partly) in the recyclable salvage and reclamation business. I wonder if this is a garbage collection business or if it is more like a place where people take their old metal cars to be turned into scrap. If the former, it would be interesting to know whether there are state-sponsored monopolies like their are in the US.

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    1. It makes sense now why he's going after NYT: garbage reclamation.

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  3. They're probably awards and titles conferred upon him by various state functionaries.

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  4. Preservation Demolition Expert? So he preserves the environment by demolishing it?

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    1. He destroys cities to save them. Maybe he should run for president. I'm sure with enough campaign donations he can get that pesky natural born citizen part erased from the Constitution.

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  5. [Left out "China's Biggest Ego"]

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