You Shouldn’t Need a Government License to Blow-Dry Mark Zuckerberg’s Hairy Armpits

Mark Zuckerberg

This might make Mark Zuckerberg sweat.

The people in government are really control freaks. They want to regulate everything. Apparently,  Zuckerberg staffers might be breaking the law when they blow-dry his armpits.

Shoshana Weissmann writes for the Washington Examiner:

New reporting claims that Mark Zuckerberg has staffers blow-dry his armpits before important speaking events, in order to reduce his profuse anxiety-related sweating. Unless the Facebook CEO has licensed cosmetologists on his communications team, he may be breaking the law. Yes, seriously. 

According to the Goldwater Institute, all states except Virginia require under law that people blow-drying hair professionally have a cosmetology license. “Blow-drying someone’s hair without that license is a crime punishable by up to six months in jail and a $2,000 fine,” write the authors. Last year, Arizona — Goldwater’s home state — repealed its blow-drying law.

If we assume that state laws do not specifically exclude armpit hair from their definition of hair and that the Facebook CEO does indeed have armpit hair, as well as that the reported story is true and that employees are paid, then blow-drying Zuckerberg’s armpits without a license would be a crime.

These aren't unreasonable assumptions.

In California, state law does not appear to limit the definition of “hair” to the head — in fact, like many state cosmetology laws, it includes treatment of body hair. By the letter of the law, then, an employee blow-drying Zuckerberg’s armpits (if hairy) without a license is committing a crime punishable in California as a misdemeanor, which carries a fine of $1,000.

-RW