How to Say No to Anyone (Even a Good Friend)

By Alexandra Franzen

It was the kind of email that makes your shoulders clench up tight, right by your ears.

A friend—not a super-close one, but one I respected and admired—wanted my help with a writing project.

Her deadline was seven days away. She just needed a few hours of my time. She was even willing to pay me. Would I help?

I took a deep breath, glanced at my calendar, and chewed it over.

Hmmm. I could probably squeeze this little project into my week if I juggled a few things around, woke up earlier, stayed up later, or carved out some time on a Saturday or Sunday.

But even just thinking about it, I was already feeling bitter and resentful.

The truth was, I simply didn’t want to do it.

The project didn’t excite me. The money didn’t make it any more appealing. I would rather have those hours to myself to work on my other projects. Or just cuddle with my sweetheart.

There was no compelling reason why I ought to say “yes!” to her request—other than just to “be nice” and “help out a friend.” And while I do love being a nice, helpful friend, sometimes, the answer is “not this time.”

It was slightly awkward, but I made my decision.

I was ready to craft a response and say “no.”

And let me tell you, it’s a funny thing—even as a professional writer and communications strategist who makes a living advising people on what to say and how to say it—saying “no” to a friend is still a tricky scenario. Especially when you’re nervous about damaging the relationship.

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