Thursday, October 29, 2009

What I Did Before Breakfast Today

I maintain a storage locker here in Washington DC. This morning before breakfast I went to get a document out of one of the boxes in the locker.

My locker is on the upper level, somewhere between 10 to 12 feet from the ground. You climb up to the second level via a steel ladder with full steps. You lock the ladder in place, before you climb. While I am in my locker sitting down and going through a box of documents, I must have started to lean my back against the ladder for support. Suddenly it gives. I end up dangling outside my locker. I just had enough time to grab onto the sides of the locker with my hands and the cuff to my right pant leg was caught on the outside metal edge of the locker. The rest of my body is outside the locker dangling--horizontal-- below the cement floor 10 feet. It was early. There was no one else in the building. I really didn't know how long I was going to be able to hang on. I did not want to force the pant cuff to harshly because I feared if I jerked too hard, I might lose my grip. But I am dangling, basically contemplating will I land on my back from 10 feet, or my head? Or will the pant leg hold and some kind of wishbone action will take place? Or will the pant leg rip at the last minute and my other leg will start to go vertical, absorb the impact at an angle, and break in two places.

The ladder had slid off to the right, which is the same side as where my pant leg is caught, so I can't swing my right leg over to get it. I am dangling scared as hell. Finally, after a couple of attempts, I am able to work my left leg far enough under my right leg to pull the ladder back under me with my left foot. But, it was still tricky landing on the ladder. After I reached ground level I looked up, and my leg that was caught must have had a rough time getting on to the ladder. I was in too much panic to really know what finally happened, but there are skid marks from my right shoe on the outside of the side of the locker. It must have been a rough landing.


  1. Robert,

    I don't believe the only skid marks were on the outside of the locker.

    Glad you survived.


  2. I am getting confused trying to picture it. I am reenacting the scene with my GI Joe toys. Do you want to be Sergeant Slaughter or Lady Jaye?

  3. Glad to hear things ended up OK. It sounds frightening.

  4. Bullshit you leaned against the ladder. Is this some type of code talk? Did someone try to take you out? Be careful, Wenzel. You're making enemies in high places.

  5. Wenzel,

    The free world almost lost a good man today.

    It can't possibly be time to put you in a retirement home already, your points are still much too salient on your average blog post.

    Maybe you're saying you need a full time assistant? Preferably someone hot, female and in their mid-20's, I'm guessing. I'll put a call in to Spitzer's office and see if he's got any references for you. Until then, be careful, and watch out for tricky ladders.

  6. This storage locker sounds like something Jason Bourne would visit early in a movie to pick up passports and appropriate currency for the next mission.

    Glad for a happy ending. Be careful!

  7. Watch your back. I hear the State Dept. Nuclear Division has it out for you.

    Don't die- visiting your site is the highlight of my reading day.